I’m just dreading the ribbing he’s going to give me about all you ladies being pregnant at once.’ She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘You’re not happy to have babies in the spring?’ Quickly pulling her into a hug I said, ‘No I’m very happy that you’re all going to have babies. The thing I will not been happy about, is the teasing I’ll receive from Uncle Henry. He keeps telling me about wanting to have a lot of kids running around the place.’ Giggling she said, ‘Then you need to tease him right back. I’m not sure she’s told him yet, but Morning Dove is also going to have another baby in the spring.’ I couldn’t help it and just started laughing thinking that this was a chance to get a little payback on Grandpa. Pretty soon all the girls were looking at me funny with puzzled expressions so I stopped and explained how much he had laughed at me each time I had gotten married and thought it was up to me to repopulate the ranch. Now it was time for me to give him a dose of. I was willing to do whatever it took to please him no matter how it made me feel. So that night I went to that hotel not knowing who would be there, but pretty sure someone else might be. I’m not saying that I wasn’t raped, but I know I have to change how I’m acting because if I don’t I will continue to be a victim. But there is probably one thing that I needed to hold onto. I know my best friend might not understand, but I think I had to hold onto it because if I didn’t then it puts it all on me. I had to believe that there is a little bit of good in my ex-boyfriend. If there wasn’t any good in him, if he didn’t care about me at all then what did that say about me. I had to believe that he had no idea that the guy would rape me. I had to believe that he would never want me hurt like that. Everyday it gets harder to believe that he had any feelings for me at all. Everyday I believe it less, but if he didn’t love me, if he didn’t have any feelings for me, then all the things.
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